i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Randomize
