Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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