You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize