she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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