After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
