Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
