not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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