When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
