yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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