it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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