Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
