you guys were way drunker than both of me
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
