vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize