I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
