but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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