she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you made out with another girl for some wings
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
