just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
