"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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