you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
