I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
