we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
