i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
