This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
