just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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