ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
