girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
