he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
