there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
