I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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