Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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