I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
