guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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