You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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