I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
