i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
