Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
