Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
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Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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