ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
