love makes seman taste better
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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