C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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