How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
