I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
