i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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