Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
