Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
