he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
