right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
