Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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