My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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