Ambien. No doubt about it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
