Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
