I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
