I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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