did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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