You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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