Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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