just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
