I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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