ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Randomize
