Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
