yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
