I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
