My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
