im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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