Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
