Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
