In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
