Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
