I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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