She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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