About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
