why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
