Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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