i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
