My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We have started to decorate penises.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
