she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
