I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
